While it’s helpful if you’ve been born with a natural inclination for empathy, it can be learned. It is a muscle that can be strengthened through practice.

Here are a few ideas for practicing your empathy skills:

— Look upon every human – the barista at the coffee shop, the cashier at the checkout, a favorite author, an employee, your child, etc. – as a teacher that you can learn something from.

— If you choose, your daily routine can be a graduate school where you can continue to learn through the wealth of interesting people available to you.
Approach the world with an inquisitive mind – without judgment or manipulation of position. Show sincere interest in what people have to say. Be present in thought and mind.

— At the end of each day, write down one thing that you’ve learned from your “teachers”.

— And, most importantly, apply what you’ve learned. What’s the point of understanding others better if you don’t actually use what you’ve learned.

When I was 8 year’s old, my family moved from Montgomery, AL to a suburb of Seattle, WA. It was a particularly exciting move as my parents told my sisters and I that we would be living on an island – Mercer Island to be exact. At this point in my life, the only island that I was familiar with was Gilligan’s Island which was tropical and lush and everyone (the Professor, Marianne and all the rest) lived in thatched huts. How COOL is that?!

Cutting to the chase, Mercer Island is an island in the middle of Lake Washington in the Greater Seattle area. It is FAR from a tropical paradise – more of a rainy gray Northwest suburbia. It’s a fine place. But, not at all what I expected. In hind sight, I feel for my parents and the blue faced tantrum that they had to endure.

I use this story as an example of the power of a word or phrase to set expectations with your audience. If you are trying to move your team forward, you need to start from their base level of understanding and craft your message to help them appropriately visualize where you are headed. With shared understanding and expectations, you can move faster and more efficiently.

This is a basic rule of economics – is the price worth the value? Lets take it out of the realm of socks and into your business place. When you take a look at your services, products, and your ultimate value proposition, you must also take a look at the experience that you give to your clients. What are the key elements that you are providing your clients that are giving them comfort and confidence? What are you providing that removes price as the primary decision factor?

There is a wonderful book by Harry Beckwith titled, What Client’s Love: A Field Guide to Growing Your Business. This is a book that grew on me at the second reading; my copy is now dog eared and notated throughout. However, my very favorite section is related to what Beckwith states client’s love best: comfort. If you are someone that enjoys a good business book, I highly recommend it.

I suggest you take some time to review your business and evaluate the overall experience you are providing your customers. Through every interaction you have the opportunity to deepen your relationship, demonstrate your value proposition and overall create a feeling of comfort much like the experience I get from wearing my highly valuable socks.

As a professional coach, I find myself spending quite a bit of time encouraging people to make mistakes. Its not that I want my clients to fall on their faces…what I want is to break the paralysis that comes from fear of failure. In many cases, these fears are deeply rooted in childhood. People can get caught between the desire to get to the one “right” answer which has potential rewards (praise, good grades, recognition from the boss) and the need to avoid any negative backlash from presenting a “wrong” answer.

With the exception of mathematical calculations, there are few absolute right and wrongs in business. There are hundreds of ways to solve a problem or handle a situation. And, a solution that works today won’t necessarily be the one that applies to your future. Or a solution that works for another company doesn’t necessarily solve the issue in your own. Experimentation, trial and error are steps that will get you into action and allow you to LEARN. If you remain paralyzed with fear, you won’t learn, you won’t grow, and you will most likely miss out on a world of opportunity.

I talked with one employer who praised one of his most valued employees with the following, “He can make more mistakes and correct them in the time it takes the average person to make just one decision.” He went on to clarify that the mistakes were more “experiments” or “tests” on theories that the employee was able to quickly learn from and adjust the plans leaving the company with the assurance that they had the best solution given the current business environment. This company is successfully operating business from the powerful position of experimentation and current data and not (as much of their competition) solely on history.

So…I encourage you to take risks, make mistakes and LEARN.

“Mistakes are the portals of discovery.” ~ James Joyce (1882 – 1941)

“I have learned throughout my life as a composer chiefly through my mistakes and pursuits of false assumptions, not by my exposure to founts of wisdom and knowledge.” ~Igor Stravinsky (1882 – 1971)

“ A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” ~George Bernard Shaw (1856 – 1950)

There is nothing about the movie Mary Poppins that I don’t love. There are so many unforgettable scenes. But my favorite song from the movie starts with Mary talking to the children to inspire them about the process of cleaning up the nursery. “In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. Find the fun, and SNAP! The job’s a game.” Then, she begins singing with the lines “and every task you undertake becomes a piece of cake. A lark! A spree! It’s very clear to see that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.”

It’s a wonderful song.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t always mirror art. We all have found times where it is quite difficult to find the fun at work. And there is no amount of sugar binging (or chocolate in my case) that will make the work assignment less of an arduous task.

There is no magical solution to getting through these moments. Sometimes you simply must get through it one step at a time.

That said, even when life is difficult, you still have the choice about the attitude you embrace. Perhaps thats the real message. One’s attitude is the “spoonful of sugar” that helps us to get through our difficult times. Choosing your outlook allows you to be powerful and generative – not a victim of circumstance.

Do you want to be a powerful person who can get things done? Do you want to be known for your ability to deal with adversity? Do you want to be a role model to others? Do you want to be a part of a strategic solution?

The choice is yours.

www.bestmadeco.com

I have had a long standing love affair with a company – Best Made Company. The inspiration of the company started when the founder, Peter Buchanan-Smith was in camp as a young man and his mentor was a larger than life outdoorsman. This heroic character proclaimed that all you needed to get you through life was your wits and a good axe. Thirty years later, Peter, an established graphic designer with clients the likes of Isaac Mizrahi and Philip Glass and a winner of a Grammy for album design, surveyed his life and realized that what he really needed in his life was his wits and a good axe. Thus, the Best Made Axe Company was born (the name has since changed to The Best Made Company).

I love that the name of the company is in itself an aspiration – a stake in the ground of the quality of product and presentation. Peter has grown the company by masterfully merging quality product with artistic sensibilities. The limited edition axes are hanging in major art galleries around the world including Saatchi Gallery in London and featured in major design publications such as I.D., Wired, and Wallpaper. It is the quality of the product, the quality of presentation, and the attachment of “boy-scout” ideals that have captured the imagination of a diverse range of people: from outdoor lovers to appreciators of contemporary design.

The latest in a series of smart marketing ideas is a polished video series demonstrating the best made axes in action. The videos are beautifully lit and artfully directed as they show the clean blow of an axe splitting a log in two. They are really quite amazing in their simplicity and their support of the core value proposition of “best made”.

Peter and Best Made Company is a great source of inspiration on what is possible to achieve when you have a clear value proposition, creativity, and a good marketing strategy. You may be interested in subscribing to their regular newsletter – it’s a great way to keep up to date on all the fun things that they are doing.

“Head of the Bull” by Pablo Picasso is considered one of the most revolutionary pieces of its time. It is one of the first “found” object sculptures to be presented in a major art exhibition and it started a movement of found object art. What I find most interesting is that he took familiar objects (a bicycle seat and handlebars) and combined them in a new and interesting way to create a new entity (a bull’s head). Picasso didn’t build the seat. He didn’t build the handlebars. His role was to shift perspectives so that we could see something more. His re-assembly of the existing elements was his innovation.

Everyday in our worklife we have an opportunity to innovate. To impact your business, you don’t have to hold 50 patents and be a master in organizational development – or be the inventor of the next social networking sensation – or be an internationally famous artist. The truth is that the slightest adjustment or change in existing elements can have monumental benefits in your organization.

How are you innovative? Are you taking the time to step back from existing tools, systems or processes to look at them in a different way? How are you creating artistry in your business practices?

Professionally and personally we need to use our influence in order to move an agenda forward. Rarely do we have ultimate power that we can mandate others to action and supporting our cause. And – even if we did, we wouldn’t necessarily be getting their best work or support. When you influence others and allow them to share in the ownership of the idea – and more importantly share in the successful outcome, you will find that change happens faster and more permanently.
There is an interesting counter to NOT using your influence. When you don’t use influence to inspire and motivate others, you can easily find yourself in the position of “victim” – a person who cannot move anything forward. Often times you will see this person as the one who generates a lot of activity, but no action or results.

Mastering the ability to influence others takes time. It may not feel comfortable the first time out. To help you on your way of using your influence, I’ve included the base “how to” principles below:

1. Assert Yourself.
o State objectives clearly and directly.

2. Align Your Goals.
o Find the common ground
o Demonstrate empathy

3. Suggest (not proclaim or announce).
o Present solutions that demonstrate a clear value.
o Do NOT put others on the defensive

4. Create Vision.
o Paint a picture of positive result.
o Let all parties “own” the result.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Influence is about motivating and inspiring others through integrity and honesty and is driven by positive intent. Manipulation often comes from a negative intent and can include dishonest practices. Make sure you are focused on INFLUENCE.